i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
