Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am one with the molecules
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
