I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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