I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
