Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
