You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
