Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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