I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
