i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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