Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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