Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
