im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
