I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We need to get me chipped asap
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
