Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
