are you still at the devil's house?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
