i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i think my cat just said my name.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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