Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
