Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
