drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
