she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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