Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
