We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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