You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
