is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
