I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Boobs speak an international language.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize