she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
