Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its not stalking. its research.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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