Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
