Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
