i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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