Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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