I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
