Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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