She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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