I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
