is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
