My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
