By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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