make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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