I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
