I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
