i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
