Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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