I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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