I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
