I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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