what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
