the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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