Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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