I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
